Copyright © 2008 by Open Horizons and John Kremer
Last modified: 3/14/08
The Quotable Books Series ...
The Big Bad Book of Blonde Jokes
(sample quotations from the book)
Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.Q: How can you tell a fax has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.Q: What's a guaranteed method to totally confuse a blonde man?
A: Ask him to alphabetize a king-size bag of M&Ms.Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A: A space invader.Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi and the other to call on Daddy.Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
She was so blonde that . . .
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
On the bottom of the job application where it said “Sign Here,” she wrote Aquarius.
She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 months to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked, “Grape or cherry?”
50 Reasons to Be a Blonde
(Here are the first six reasons.)1. We can get laid anytime we want.
2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.
3. We piss sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.
4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.
5. We avoid speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.
6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.
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