Copyright © 2008 by Open Horizons and John Kremer
Last modified: 3/14/08
The Quotable Books Series ...
Mother-in-LawThe Mother of All Joke Books
(sample jokes from the book)
A guy brings his dog into the vet and asks, “Could you please cut my dog's tail off?”
The vet examines the tail and notes, “There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?”
The man replies, “My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and I don't want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome.”
Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, “My mother-in-law is an angel.”
His friend replies, “You're lucky. Mine is still alive.”
I wouldn't say that my mother-in-law was ugly, but every time she puts on lipstick, it tries to crawl back into the tube.
A man was telling the story of his dating habits in his youth. It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his family, his mother didn't like her.
So he searched until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother. When he brought her home one night to have dinner, his father didn't like her.
A patient tells his doctor that he had made a Freudian slip last night while having dinner with his mother-in-law. He had wanted to say, “Could you please pass the butter?” but instead said, “You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.”
Two lifeguards were working together on a beach when one of them noticed sharks circling a woman who had drifted out a little too far. He began to get up to rescue her when the other lifeguard grabbed his arm and held him back.
The first lifeguard asked, “Why are you holding me back? We have to go save that woman!”
The other replied, “Don't worry. That woman is my mother-in-law.”
“Are you trying to kill her?”
“Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent. Just watch.”
With that, the sharks organized themselves beneath the woman and gave her a ride on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
“What in the world gave you the notion that would happen?” asked the first lifeguard.
“Professional courtesy.”
I'm trying to get my mother-in-law to go ice fishing before the ice gets too thick.
My mother-in-law asked me, “If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantlepiece?”
I told her, “It keeps the kids away from the fire.”
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