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Copyright © 2014 by Open Horizons and John Kremer


The Quotable Books Series ...

Playing the Percentages

Lies, Damned Funny Lies, Statistics, and
Everything in Between

Click on either of the book covers on this page to order and download the book as a Word document for only $7.00.

(sample quotations from the book)

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. — Douglas Adams, science fiction novelist

Vacation truth #56: Even a short line is too long. — Alamo Rent-a-Car commercial

I've got a rule of thumb: Anything that's worth $4 billion and costs $1 billion, buy it. — Saudi Prince Al-Waleed Bin Talal Bin Abdulaziz Al-Saud

If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities. — Maya Angelou, poet

79% of all statistics are made up on the spot! — anonymous

Less than 2% of condoms actually fail. Every percent counts. — Bankrate.com magazine ad

It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain. — Dave Barry, humorist

A politician’s gestures increase in direct proportion to the number of his media consultants. — Joan Beck, Chicago Tribune

I've worked out a few statistics of my own. $15 million in gold bullion weighs 10,500 tons. 60 men would take 12 days to load it onto 200 trucks. Now, at the most, you're going to have 2 hours before the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines move in and make you put it back. — James Bond, spy character in Goldfinger movie

In a given group of 23 random people, the odds that two will share the same birthday is more than 50%. Most people estimate a much lower figure, more like 10% or 20%. — Joan Bramsch, author, The Golden Birthday Book

According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless. — Ashleigh Brilliant, columnist, Brilliant Thoughts

Statistics on Sanity via Rita Mae Brown

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. — Rita Mae Brown, playwright and feminist

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away? — bumper snicker

Burgy’s Definition of Statistics: A bunch of numbers running around looking for an argument. — George Burgy

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made, because very few people die past the age of a hundred. — George Burns, comedian

A lie can be half-way round the world before the truth
has got its boots on. — James Callaghan, British prime minister

I can prove anything by statistics—except the truth. — George Canning

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. — George Carlin, comedian

The majority of people are people. — Tom Chaipis, owner of Magoo’s Cafe

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. — Tom Clancy, novelist

Statistics are no substitute for judgment. — Henry Clay, statesman

One out of fifty shopping carts has a wobbly wheel, and you'll manage to find it every time. — Lisa Cofield, Debbie Dingerson, and Lea Rush, authors, Mrs. Murphy's Laws

9 in 10 women carry protection from chapped lips or broken nails. 1 in 10 carries protection from AIDS. — Kenneth Cole magazine ad

If you're obsessed with your destination, you miss 80% of the point of acting: the ride there, the people you meet along the way. — Kevin Costner, actor

50% of what people say when they're joking is true. — Courtney, character in Sweetest Thing movie

Don't ask cops why your picture is being featured on the local TV news report. — Crime 101, Rule 2

A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans. — Despair Inc. Discovery poster

The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs. — Marlene Dietrich, actress

Ditka's Rule #47: Never put anything on your hair that you can't pronounce without spitting. And never use girly stuff. — Mike Ditka, football coach

Here are the other seven books in the Illustrated Quotable Books section. Click on the titles to see sample quotations:

The Best Things in Life Are Free: My Favorite Quotations

How to Live Your Dreams

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Try, Try Again

If God Intended Man to Smoke, He’d Have Set Him on Fire … and Other Conclusions of God’s Work

If I Had My Life to Live Over . . .

The Miracle of Life

When in Doubt, Kiss the Fish — And Other Extremely Wise Advice

Open Horizons, P O Box 2887, Taos NM 87571; 575-751-3398

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